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The "D" Word - Count it All Joy - 1999

This time of year always finds me engaged in battle. Battle against the elements, for winter in Iowa often creates a war zone on streets, sidewalks and even parking lots… And battle against the "bulge" which is created by my own lack of willpower through the holiday season. I haven't wanted to put this column on paper, because I haven't wanted to do anything about my impending battle, except think about it and consider my potential plans of attack. This is the progress I've made in my thought process:

A. I have identified the enemy: there are about thirty pounds on my body that should not be there. (Last year, I took a pacifist role… refused to do battle, and consequently gained additional pounds that now need shedding.)

B. I have recognized the cause: I have no self-control when it comes to what I put in my mouth to eat.

C. I have made myself aware of the multitudes of plans, programs, diets, books, and self-help and help-you programs available to those willing to "pay the price." (Financial or Deprivation as the case may be.)

D. I have resolved to "do something" besides "think about it" and to do so soon.

"A" was pretty easy. My clothes don't fit. I've been forced to acquire "on loan" attire since I readily refuse to "buy" clothes beyond my regular size… I avoid full-length mirrors except when looking at my shoes. I make "fat" jokes about myself so others will realize I am not in denial about my problem.

"B" is both a battle of the flesh (no pun intended) and of the Spirit. I "delight" in food. It is my friend, my comfort… and my strength at times. When I think of the question, "Do you live to eat or eat to live?" there is no doubt in my mind. Food has taken such a high priority for me, that I recognize it as sin; but though I may confess it… I have not had the desire to change. There may be a desire to be thinner, but the battle with my flesh is overwhelming. Hidden throughout my house are my little chocolate stashes… some Hershey Almond Bites in my nightstand drawer…. the Goo Goo Clusters in the Utility Room closet…. the Peanut M&M's under the dish towels in the kitchen cupboards… I have vowed to "buy no more" when I finish off this supply… at least till I get rid of some of this weight!

Oh brother… Who am I fooling? I don't call myself "French Fry Thighs" and "Chip Dip Hips" without cause… and if there were a body part that rhymed with Chocolate, be assured I'd have claimed that one as well. I simply enjoy too much of the wrong kinds of food, which is as inexcusable as if I were to drink too much of the wrong kinds of beverages… watch too much of the wrong things on tv or videos... engage too closely in the wrong kind of relationships… or spend too much money foolishly… The list can go on. Maybe you could add one or two of your own. I "excuse" my indulgence in the name of "Fellowship" (after all, you can't have a church function without refreshments)… "Ministry" (I'll share some of this with a friend or neighbor") or of course, the popular "Domestic Endeavor" (my family will love me for this!) "Celebrations"… "Consolations"…. "Let's go out!"…. "Potlucks" I can't escape it! It's everywhere I go. Food beckons me. I'm helpless.

With regard to "C", I can say I have done a little research on what's out there. The Internet has tons of nutritional information and weight reduction sites. I've noted the "New Year resolution" television commercials aimed at enticing me to buy this… or drink that… or to join this program… or that center to unload the unwanted weight and inches. In fact, I visited one such center, where I was analyzed and assured I could "be helped." They would hold my hand and walk me down the scale to my desired weight. They would plan my meals, monitor my progress and hold me accountable… all for only slightly less than what I spend on groceries a week, for my entire family. My body mass will decrease and my self-esteem will soar! Their program promotes a lifestyle change and I won't argue with their philosophy, only my willingness to pay to let someone tell me what to do.

Now, you folks out there with no "excess baggage," or those of you, better able to control your cravings, probably think this is ridiculous; in fact, you may have already quit reading… But elsewhere out there, are those of you who can identify with me. You have struggled with living on top of the food chain and avoid the "d" word at all cost. You may be a spiritual giant, who keeps in God's Word regularly, has a strong prayer life and an active ministry… but behind it all, lies that small portion (sorry… no pun again) of our lives which we do not want to yield to the Father. I don't want to bow my head before my meal and while thanking God for His providing it for me… also ask Him to take away my desire to eat as much of it as I want. I'm afraid to offer up to Him, the Snickers clenched tightly in my fist… for fear He will take it and then "bless" me with a nice plate of carrots and cauliflower instead. I have simply not "trusted" God with my eating habits. It is not just a weight problem, or a mind problem… it is a heart problem. The "D" word I need to incorporate into my lifestyle is "Discipline," not "diet." What goes into my mouth is as important as what comes out… my body is to be a temple for the Holy Spirit, not necessarily a cathedral.

So, what have I resolved? Well, with God's help, February 1… I'm going on "a discipline." The road may be rough and I may fall along the way… but I will get back up! I no longer want food to control me. I'm going to visualize a svelte servant of the Lord and then I'm going to ask Him to help me become her. God will use me, as He chooses, regardless of my weight, but He will never be able to use me if I refuse to discipline myself and give to Him the things that have a hold over me. How about you? Is there anything in your secret drawer that keeps God from having more of you? Maybe you should consider going on your own "discipline." And if you do, let me know how it goes… meanwhile: "O Lord, lead me not into temptation and deliver me from chocolate." Amen.

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